"Stuck on Me: Missing You..." by Larry A. Bugen, Ph.D. (ACFEI Media) (ISBN 978-0982212134) has been awarded as a finalist in the 2011 Next Generation Indie Book Awards in the "Relationships" category.

In life a delicate balance exists between healthy self-interest and interest in loving others. But there are times when our love for others becomes blurred by a preoccupation with oneself. It is one of degree: unbridled self-interest gradually becomes self-absorption; unbridled self-absorption gradually becomes narcissism. This self-centeredness then jeopardizes the secure, stable love bonds we need to survive. Stuck on Me: Missing You critiques the pervasive narcissism of our contemporary culture, reveals the true nature of love, and presents Six Gifts which ensure its survival among the fittest.

Introduction

This book regales love as our greatest life journey and shows the way. I believe that each of us inherently needs, even hungers for, secure relationships in our lives. These warm, comforting, and predictable bonds may be with a spouse, a larger community of caring souls, or a Higher Power. Within them we often find healing warmth, personal renewal, and shelter from life's inevitable storms. Yet, many of us jettison relationships that were once the center of our hearts? Why?

Often the heartache of being in a relationship, or leaving one, is based on the same need -- the lifelong need to find a secure/loving connection with another. This need doesn't go away. We are prewired to need someone who can value us, nurture us, and protect us. It is this lack of emotional comfort, nurture, and safety that prompts so many of us to move on in search of that someone special who will meet these needs.

When our secure connections become threatened or compromised we often turn against or away from one another, rather than toward one another? We learn to give up on love. Many of us seem programmed to turn away from one another in order to pursue our own self-interests. This pursuit of self-interests can become intoxicating. When this spiral inward occurs we sometimes forsake the counterbalancing gift of love. What's worse is that once we learn to withdraw or angrily lash out we tend to repeat these actions in subsequent relationships, diminishing our chances of finding secure love even more. This book explores how to turn toward one another as we honor our self-interests as well.

In this book I will underscore our inherent need for stable and secure love bonds throughout our lives. Six Gifts will also be presented which enable us to value those we love in everlasting ways. The Gifts are: humility, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, sacrifice, and vision. Lasting love would not be possible without these gifts. So why do many of us resist giving these gifts once there is a disconnect?

Many of us never learned these things because our parents -- our source of nurture -- never learned them. They simply didn't know how to show us a mature, loving, adult relationship. Not did they know how to give us the kind of parental love we needed in order to experience what mature love feels like. They couldn't help it...but we can if we learn more about narcissism and love. For instance:

• Have you learned how to distinguish romantic love from mature love...how to distinguish passion from intimacy from commitment?
• Have you learned a new definition for narcissism as an endpoint on a "normal continuum" which wavers from
  1. Unbridled self-interest which then morphs into
  2. Unbridled self-absorption, which then morphs into
  3. Narcissism?
• Have you learned how nature, nurture, and culture contribute to narcissism?
• Have you learned how to distinguish the illusions of your beliefs and expectations from the reality of your lovers and your lives?
• Have you learned how to view disenchantment as a natural, inevitable process in relationships...an opportunity to learn and grow?
• Have you learned how to cope successfully with adversity or do you grab for quick fixes instead that trap you in a cycle of continuing pain and frustration?
• Have you learned the nine intimacy styles that can enrich any love relationship?
• Have you learned that each partner in any love relationship must be willing to cultivate Six Gifts in order for the relationship to endure?

I recommend this book to anyone who would like to read a "love story" about how one may transform from self-absorption to learning how to love, one of the most complicated and important of all endeavors. This book is informative for practicing psychotherapists, and is accessible and readable for anyone who wishes guidance and insight about health intimacy.

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Melba Vasquez, PhD, ABPP American Psychological Association President 2011 Psychologist, Austin, Texas

Larry Bugen poignantly states that our lifetimes are overflowing with opportunities to learn how to love -- as long as we see our imperfections as broken glass that shines brightly in our lives. In these broken times -- when we are challenged personally, interpersonally, nationally, and internationally -- this book is a must read.

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Ambassador Pam Willeford Former U.S. Ambassador to Switzerland

Stuck on Me: Missing You is a delightful read. Bugen challenges us to look deeply inside ourselves and truly confront reality; then he presents us with six wonderful "gifts," habits of the heart, providing us with the toools of transformation to mature and generous living. If you feel that narcissism is something that only besets the lives of others, be careful in reading this book! You may gain a more accurate insight with the reality which is you.

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Bishop John McCarthy Diocese of Austin

Dr. Bugen is a master at weaving empirical science with fascinating stories, all presented in clean categories and compelling prose. To be certain, this book will be an asset to pastors or religious leaders of any stripe, as we tread the turbulent waters of understanding and dealing with narcissistic persons, and strive to check those tendencies in ourselves.

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Reverend Merrill Wade Rector, St. Mathews Episcopal Church Austin, Texas

A must read! Compelling stories and a strong message show us how to move beyond self-absorption to find acceptance and love.

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Psychologist Kate Ludeman, Ph.D. President, Worth Ethic Corporation Author, Radical Change, Radical Results

In a world of imperfect and broken relationships, Larry Bugen once again explores the heart of intimacy and calls us to go beyond our self-absorption and cherish the love in our lives.

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Psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. Author, "How Can I Forgive You"

The book argues convincingly that healthy acceptance of one's own imperfections serves as a prerequisite and catalyst for generous love and acceptance of intimate others. Larry Bugen brings new depth of understanding to what it means to love oneself and others constructively - accepting imperfection in a way that inspires mutual encouragement.

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Psychologist Douglas Snyder, Ph.D. Professor and Director of Clinical Training Department of Psychology Texas A&M University Author: Getting Past the Affair

A book for everyone. Dr Bugen gives us a glimpse of narcissism in self, community, and leadership. He invites us to learn cognitive behavioral skills, punctuated by metaphor, and sage wisdom, leading us to a final existential sense of grace. A beautiful undertaking for the human spirit... Live, Love and Learn....

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Luniece Obst M.Ed, LPC, BCPC Executive Advisory Board American PsychotherapyAssociation

An inspirational blend of Larry's personal stories, contemporary songwriting and encyclopedic knowledge from over 30 years of professional counseling...Larry Bugen dispenses antidotes to our self-absorption that allows us to come out on top when not feeling "OK."

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Sandi Aitken Benefits Manager Freescale Semiconductor

Narcissism exists on Wall Street, in politics, in our assault on the environment - but change must come from within. Dr. Bugen gives us guidance in this book.

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Jim Hightower Former Texas Agricultural Commissioner Bestselling author, radio commentator, Editor of the Hightower Lowdown

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"I recommend this book to anyone who would like to read a "love story" about how one may transform from self-absorption to learning how to love, one of the most complicated and important of all endeavors."

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Melba Vasquez, PhD, ABPP American Psychological Assoc. President 2011